The Shift That Changes Everything
The call started off tense. Subcontractor buyouts had stalled, drawings were incomplete, and the schedule was slipping. Each party—contractors, architects, and the client—felt cornered by obstacles outside their control. This wasn’t just about tasks anymore; it was about pride, money, and expectations unraveling in real-time.
The contractor broke the silence first, frustration spilling out.
“We’re stuck. We’ve got incomplete drawings, subcontractors who can’t move forward, and honestly, no one’s getting the right information. It’s at 75%, and that’s not good enough. We need clarity now, or we won’t make this deadline.”
Everyone had something to lose. The client’s voice was steady, but there was an edge to it.
“I’ve built businesses before. I understand delays, but this is my money and my future. I need to know this is under control—not excuses about Hamptons schedules and costs.”
At this point, the conversation wasn’t productive. It was just people protecting themselves, pointing at problems, and waiting for someone else to take responsibility. You could feel the unspoken thoughts: Why am I the one being held up? Why am I the one paying the price?
I didn’t step in to offer a magic fix—because leadership isn’t about fixing things for others. It’s about shifting perspectives.
Turning Frustration into Focus
I let the frustration sit for a moment. Nobody was really listening—just bracing for impact.
So, I called it out.
“Let’s be honest about what’s happening here.”
I turned to the contractor.
“You’re frustrated because you’re expected to lock in subcontractor pricing, but you don’t have complete drawings. You’re staring down a situation where delays and cost overruns are guaranteed, and no one wants to be left holding the bag.”
His jaw was still tight, but he nodded slightly.
Then, to the architect.
“You’re caught in the middle—pushing forward while waiting for clarity that never seems to come. Every time you make progress, another issue pulls you back.”
A sharp exhale. He knew it was true.
Finally, I turned to the client.
“You’re watching this unfold and wondering how this much money—your money—can be out there, exposed, with no one able to give you a straight answer. This is supposed to be the part where your vision starts coming to life, but instead, it feels like you’re throwing money into a fire.”
Silence. A shift.
Instead of defending their own corners, they were seeing the whole board.
Why We Get Stuck in the First Place
Right now, they were stuck in reaction mode—focused inward, guarding their own interests, waiting for someone else to fix the mess.
This isn’t unusual. This is human nature.
When people feel a sense of loss, they don’t think about what’s possible—they think about how to stop the bleeding. The contractor saw a project slipping into chaos, which meant wasted time, blown budgets, and his own reputation at risk. The architect felt like a scapegoat, blamed for delays he couldn’t control. The client saw his investment burning up, and with every passing day, he was more convinced that this entire process had spun beyond his reach.
This is loss aversion in action.
We are wired to fear losing what we already have more than we desire to gain something new. A project delay isn’t just a scheduling issue to the client—it’s thousands of dollars he wasn’t planning to spend. An unclear drawing set isn’t just an inconvenience to the contractor—it’s a potential disaster when the real work starts. And as that fear compounds, people go into defensive mode. They become reactive, risk-averse, and inward-focused, grasping for control in a situation where control feels like it’s slipping away.
But problems don’t get solved from a defensive posture.
A leader’s job isn’t to tell people to “stop being emotional”—that never works. The job is to acknowledge the fear so it stops controlling the conversation, and then shift the focus from what’s being lost to what can still be won.
From Stuck to Solutions
So, I opened the door.
“The way I see it, we have two choices. We can keep circling this, each of us holding our own ground, waiting for someone else to figure it out. Or—” I paused, letting that space sit for a second. “We can stop playing defense and start moving forward together.”
Nobody jumped in right away. But then, the contractor spoke first.
“Alright… here’s what can happen if we adjust the buyouts and overlap some tasks.”
The frustration was still there, but now his voice had weight. He was thinking.
The architect followed.
“We can push ahead on those missing details. Let’s get the updated drawings finalized before Thursday.”
One by one, they started offering ideas. Instead of focusing on what was in their way, they started looking for ways to get back in control. The conversation picked up momentum.
Even the client’s tone softened.
“I don’t need everything perfect today,” he admitted. “I just need to know we’re making real progress and that I’m getting updates I can trust.”
What started as a standoff had turned into a plan. No one person “won.” The team did.
The Leadership Lesson
People don’t collaborate well when they feel like they’re under attack. When the stakes are high, it’s natural to focus inward: How is this affecting me? What risks do I face?
But when everyone is just protecting themselves, nothing moves forward.
The key isn’t to force solutions—it’s to shift the conversation from loss to possibility.
That shift doesn’t happen with one soundbite. It happens when people feel heard, when they recognize they’re not alone in their concerns, and when they stop seeing the problem as someone else’s fault and start seeing it as something they can influence.
A leader’s job isn’t to eliminate fear—it’s to reframe it. To take the energy people are using to protect themselves and point it toward progress instead. Once that happens, the shift from reactive to proactive happens on its own.
That’s when real leadership begins.